Lumina Coaching

Monday, February 27, 2006

The Gift that We Are

...Everyone is a gift waiting to be received. All we have to do is open our bodies, hearts, and minds to receive each other... Excerpt from a journal entry, Karen Sella, 1993

I have gift. For a long time, I didn't know it. And for a long time after that, I discounted it because it is a gift that we all share---like air---and it seemed kind of dumb to offer a gift that everyone already has. Yet, people kept receiving it just the same. And they would thank me for it with much joy and gratitude---as if I had something to do with it, and I would kind of squirm inside with embarrassment and confusion. How do I accept thanks for something that isn't mine to give? Didn't they know that I wasn't offering anything to them that they didn't already have?

But we don't really have a choice when it comes to giving our gifts---even when we're not consciously giving, people are receiving just the same. Eventually, if we're lucky, some people acknowledge the gift in such a way that we can also acknowledge the gift. We become aware of the gift we are giving and become more readily able to give our gift---and that's the best gift we can give to each other---to receive each other's gifts in a way that illuminates the giving.

So that's how it happened. I discovered my gift which is not really mine when people mistakenly began attributing it to me. On various occasions, people kept commenting on my presence. They would thank me for my presence---saying that it made a difference in their lives and asking what I did to be "so present". I didn't know. I was just being me. I mean, I knew that I was present, but I didn't know how I was present in such a way that people noticed a difference. They would ask if I meditate or if I practice yoga. Yes and yes. But then, so did a lot of the folks who were asking.

And so it went. They would thank me, and I would squirm and wonder why did people keep commenting on my presence? And why did it mean so much to them?

After repeated occurrences of this phenomenon, I figured out why I was so uncomfortable with their gratitude. It was because it wasn't my presence that they were experiencing. It's ours---theirs---mine---everyone's. For some reason, they were just experiencing it more readily through being with me---and recognized it only as me instead of as themselves or as us. I began to wonder what was happening within me, within others, and all around us that contributed to this experience of Presence and I began to pay more attention to this Presence unfolding in our midst, within and without, betwixt and between, in silence, in solitude, in conversation, in relationship, at home and at work and at play. In short, for the last ten years or so, I became a serious student of Presence.

And I learned that It has much to teach. I began to understand what was happening within me and around me that contributed to people recognizing Presence within ourselves, within others, and beyond. I began to learn how to navigate the subtle realms of Being. And I discovered that, with practice, we could learn how to access Presence more readily---that it is possible in every moment to unwrap our very Being as the gifts we truly are and that in so doing we unite our small, relative beings in Being.

And that is my gift that is really our gift. Here is what I have to offer so far...

http://www.luminacoaching.com/ThePracticeofPresenceSpring2006.htm

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Heart of Becoming

Heart of Becoming

We have been ending since the beginning,
Beginning for fear of ending,
And now, we return once more to finish what we started...

I am a child of goodbye
Always just arriving at the point of my departure,
Destined to leave before reaching my destination.
There is a comfort in rooting and uprooting that is unsettling.
I know how to lift off and touch down--to move through air,
To be in contact without connecting and to connect in a heartbeat
Without anchoring my future in futile desire.

Yet, deep beneath the surface, there is a terror of losing the possibility of this moment--
And the moment that transcends time is lost in my vain attempt to hold on--
To contain that which cannot possibly be contained in the smallness of my being.

I have said a hundred goodbyes without knowing,
Bound by fear to relinquish true presence.
We come, we go, and we are left bereft,
Yearning for hellos that rarely heed our desires,
But deep beneath the waves of coming and going,
Rests a vast stillness
Where surrender grants freedom to those who dare to die.

At the heart of becoming is a fear of absence that dissolves upon arrival.
We cannot hold the love that holds us.
In love, we are eternal.

Karen Sella

Monday, September 12, 2005

Oh, the Games People Play...

Blame Game - blame or reproach others for mistakes that have occurred and then, when they ask reasonable questions related to accountability, accuse them of playing the "Blame Game."

Name Game - variation 1: "I know you are, but what am I?" ; variation 2: drop the names of people you know who by association will influence public opinion in your favor...

Same Game - focus exclusively on the common aspects of all involved at the expense of any meaningful distinctions--i.e. we're all Americans who have experienced this tragedy... e.g. my rich friend lost his home, too; never mind that he has four others...

Lame Game - remind people that we are currently challenged, disabled, and hurt by the situation and that it's not only unproductive, but in poor taste, to try to learn from experience until after we have recovered from the situation at hand...

Frame Game - variation 1: define or frame the situation only using the particulars that will support your version of events; variation 2: define or frame the situation only using the particulars that will support your version of who to blame for the events...

Tame Game - avoid and deny expressions of anger, fear, and grief and focus instead on the many acts of random kindness and highlighting efforts to alleviate the pain and suffering that people shouldn't be expressing in the face of such overwhelming support...

Shame Game - a lot like the Blame Game with particular holier-than-thou emphasis on making people feel really stupid, preferably publicly, for asking questions that might help us learn from what has occurred...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Being ABLE, ABLE Being... Attending

Attend 1 : to apply oneself 2 : to apply the mind or pay attention : HEED 3 a : to be ready for service b : to be present 4 : obs : WAIT, STAY 5 : to take charge : SEE

Attention is the process of directing our conscious awareness to particular aspects of experience. Awareness is our subjective experience of our inner and outer environment. We can be aware of various aspects of our environment without necessarily centering our attention on these. For example, we have all probably had the experience of being in a room full of people while conversing with a friend. We are aware of the other people in the room, but our attention is focused on the conversation at hand. One might say that paying attention is a way of being more fully aware.

Every moment is an opportunity to deepen and broaden our attention to what matters--to rest in our experience and witness what arises in ourselves and with others. When we attend to ourselves, we pay attention to what matters--what we think, feel, and sense about our experience, and also how we think, feel, and embody our experience as it relates to our life purpose. When we attend to each other, we become seamless extensions of each other's experience, expanding our capacities to realize our potential just by being present.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Where Possibility Has Gathered...

The Teaching of Wisdom is not a textbook with numbered pages. The Teaching is the decree of life applied to each necessity. As ligtning flashes wherever sufficient electricity has accumulated, so the command speeds to where possibility has gathered...
Agni Yoga

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Pyramid Principles

...At times the journey feels awkward or perilous: you're asking questions that everyone wishes would go away; you don't know how to put into words what you're searching for; you're wondering just how big an idiot you really are for leaving what felt sure and safe and comfortable.
Paul H. Ray, PH.D. and Sherry Ruth Anderson, PH.D., The Cultural Creatives

...It is safe to say that men [and women] have been seeking an answer to the riddle of the Great Pyramid for over 4000 years...

When I was a child, I was fascinated by the Great Pyramid. A testament to human ingenuity, the Great Pyramid is the only remaining structure of the Seven Wonders of the World. Believed to have been built in 2600 BC, it was originally encased in highly polished limestone that reflected sunlight, making the pyramid visible from vast distances. According to some calculations, the casing stones of the original pyramid would have reflected light like giant mirrors, so powerful that it would be visible from the moon.

Appropriately, the ancient Egyptians called the Great Pyramid 'Ikhat,' meaning 'Glorious Light.'" In fact, the word pyramid is composed of the Greek words pyra meaning fire, light or visible and midas meaning measures, and has been loosely translated as fire in the middle.

Despite tremendous interest, study, and speculation, researchers have yet to definitively determine how or why the pyramid was built. Its construction and intended purpose have confounded archeologists, architects, mathematicians and engineers from around the world. The most accurately aligned structure in existence, its construction is unprecedented. The height of a forty-eight-story building, it could house thirty Empire State buildings within its interior. Less than a fiftieth of an inch separates the blocks, and the joints between adjacent blocks fit together with optical precision. The chemical composition of the cement that was used defies chemical analysis. Even with the technological advances of our time, many researchers doubt that the pyramid could be built today.

And what of its use? Theories range from the mundane to sublime, functional to fantastical, historical to science-fictional. Some believe that it was a tomb and passageway into the great beyond, a place of death and rebirth where the physical and spiritual intersect. From an Egyptian ritual space to an astronomical observatory, a great sundial to a repository for ancient knowledge, a water irrigation system to a communication device to other realms, conjecture abounds. It remains one of the most enduring mysteries of the ages.

Years later, the Great Pyramid still stirs my imagination, and frequently, I think about how constructing a worthwhile and enduring structure for living is a lot like building a pyramid. It is a mysterious and confounding responsibility that requires well-balanced design, substantial effort, constant dedication, and considerable support. None of us are quite sure how to go about doing it, but we know that it is possible. We witness other valuable lives in wonder, uncertain of our abilities to create this for ourselves, yet filled with an unavoidable yearning to become something more.

Even in our darkest moments when the mere possibility is beyond imagination or comprehension, we recognize this responsibility to become, despite ourselves, unavoidably and utterly valuable. Perhaps, like all the travelers who came before us, we see the glorious light reflected in the distance and find ourselves crossing the unknown to experience the magnificent, and like the ancient builders, we develop both the vision and the courage to build the impossible...or at least die trying. In the instant that becomes a lifetime, we realize that we are worthy of becoming worthwhile.

******************

Funny how little thought goes into our methods for building a life, especially when we consider that we devote our entire lives to doing just that. We will all die trying. Yet, many of us design our lives without thinking; we live by default. Here's a thought experiment:

Imagine your life as a great pyramid. Imagine yourself as architect of your own great pyramid. The materials for this pyramid are your intentions, actions, relationships, and resources. Like all pyramids, yours must have four equally important sides. One side must be built with what you know, another with what you do, a third with what you have, and a fourth with whom you know.

As architect of this pyramid, certain design principles are instantly clear to you: 1) it must be built from the bottom; 2) the higher you go, the more interdependence required; and 3) without a strong foundation, the pyramid collapses. In other words, you may begin building your pyramid from any side, but the more it grows in height, the more dependent it is on the other sides for support, and without a strong foundation any work begun is reduced to rubble.

Principle One: It must be built from the bottom (so if you've hit bottom, congratulations! You're in the perfect position to create a wonderful life...and if you haven't hit bottom, don't worry, just pay attention. You'll get there.)
Just as there are no shortcuts to building a pyramid, there are no shortcuts to building a valuable life. Remember the refrain from the children's game, Going on a Bear Hunt? Well, whenever an obstacle or challenge appeared along the way, the refrain was, you can't go over it and you can't go under it; you gotta' go through it... Life's like that. You gotta' go through it.

Principle Two: The higher you go, the more interdependence required.
To successfully develop one aspect of our lives, we must also simultaneously attend to the other aspects of our lives. When we focus on one area of our development at the expense of the other areas, we experience imbalance. We have all been there at one time or another. We know who we are, but we hate what we do. We do wonderful work, but go home to an empty house. We have wonderful relationships, but no real career path. We have lots of stuff, but don't know what we want. The more we develop, the more we recognize and require interdependence among the various aspects of our lives.

Principle Three: Without a strong foundation, the pyramid collapses.
Strong foundations begin with balanced design. Crisis occurs when imbalance is prolonged. During times of crisis, it is not uncommon to find ourselves amidst the rubble wondering what happened. We have all heard stories about people who have "everything" at the expense of personal well-being, relationships, or fulfillment in their careers. Workaholics come home to divorce papers. Shopaholics come home to bills. The love struck self-destruct at work. Without a conscious effort to build our lives holistically, whatever success we experience in one area will be short-lived. Whatever success we pursue in life will fall short if we fail to attend to all the areas that make life valuable.

Well, that's it for now... I'm sure there are more and feel free to add...

Friday, February 25, 2005

Mercury's in Retrograde

A friend, deeply inspired by astrology used to say that technological difficulties occur when "Mercury is in retrograde." I have no idea what that means, but whenever I experience technological difficulties, the phrase returns. Mercury's in retrograde. It's been a strange week of enough errant messages and computer malfunctions to cause one to believe that there is some strange, planetary intervention occuring or perhaps merely a ghost in the machine---my computer that is.

After exhausting my limited computer troubleshooting ritual---the non-tech's dance of deny, unplug, reboot, scan, curse, plead, repeat until acceptance permeates denial with the sinking sensation that the computer is indeed inhabited by peculiar little villains far superior to the likes of one technologically-challenged end-user and unvexed by said technologically-challenged end-user's vexation---I gave my computer to Tom for a few days who thankfully knows how to communicate with these peculiar little villains.

While he was busy negotiating with the little villains on my behalf, I carried on with my normal activities, sans normal technology and reflected on my technological dependence. It seems that I am quite attached to my ability to connect with others and access information online, so much so that when that ability is interrupted, my mind occasionally wanders and my fingers itch to recover virtual connection---I experienced a mild computer access withdrawal specific to this era. At the same time, once I accepted that I was indeed without access, it seemed a luxury to release all expectations of computer-based efficiencies and ease into a slower mode of being---exclusively embracing phone time, face time, and past-times normally reserved for other days. I read. I strolled. I sat outside between meetings, breathing in this new, old pace until Tom skillfully vanquished the peculiar little villains... or maybe Mercury moved on...